One thing about constantly having your sin before your face is that there is absolutely no chance of becoming haughty or holier than though. Pride has no chance. Paul was buffeted by something. We all are. Lets not get used to it and ignore or accept it, lets get busy letting it remind us of how Holy Jesus is and He plans for us to be as well. Praise God for the things He uses to refine us.
As I work my way through the grief and anger of the loss of a family unit, and embrace an entire new life, I find myself overwhelmed and emotional at times. From what I hear that is very normal, especially for a marriage of such long duration. It is as if there has been a death. It requires grieving and working through many stages of emotions that have you happy one day, depressed the next. Lately I am embracing the anger of why couldn’t we overcome? Why, after 20 years, couldn’t promises be kept, time be spent, or real emotional intimacy created?
I found a great article about what no one tells you about the dreaded divorce. There are things on this list that I am experiencing right this moment. The “shunning”, finding out who your real friends are is a big one. It is especially true among church friends. I often feel “judged” and gossiped about rather than supported. Sometimes I feel entirely alone in this, but I will get through it. I hope this article helps someone that’s going through this awful experience.
I was listening to a sermon today and the Pastor said:
It doesn’t matter what we see.
It doesn’t matter if we feel spiritual or not.
It doesn’t matter if we feel worthy or not.
What matters is what God sees.
AND GOD SEES THE BLOOD!
You must know (recognize) that you were redeemed (ransomed) from the useless (fruitless) way of living inherited by tradition from [your] forefathers, not with corruptible things [such as] silver and gold,
But [you were purchased] with the precious blood of Christ (the Messiah), like that of a [sacrificial] lamb without blemish or spot. (1Peter 1:18-19 AMP)
By Big Daddy Weave
Seems like all I could see was the struggle
Haunted by ghosts that lived in my past
Bound up in shackles of all my failures
Wondering how long is this gonna last
Then You look at this prisoner and say to me “son
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Wow. What a wild and weird journey I took tonight. I decided to separate some of our personal effects to make it easier to see and show the house thats going on the market. I opened up both treasure boxes…(2 chests I like to put the kids drawings and stuff in to keep) then… and I found all the letters. Letters from and to my husband before we got married up until they stopped about 6ish years ago. I couldn’t help myself. I had to read them. I have changed so much in the last two decades, I was very curious to see the progression.
And boy. If I hadn’t had been so close to the situation, I would have seen it a mile away. The first indications that we were growing apart and our love was becoming overtaken by childhood wounds was the apology letters. (1997ish,8ish) You know…..the “I never want to lose you and I promise that I will ……….blah blah blah…….” It lasts about a week if that then its…….back to the same old stuff.
One thing I did notice was that the apologies started coming before the complaints. It was almost like I was being primed. So, I began to notice that less and less time was spent with me, less love letters, I began to feel lonely. I felt like there was nothing left to talk about.
So, I wrote a letter saying that I really needed him and never wanted to lose him. I wanted to have him cuddle with me and come home from work into my arms. (I’m a big romantic) I wanted it to go back to the way it was. He had started pushing me away in bed. Then came the excuses, one after the other. I began to feel unwanted, a victim.
Then, I could no longer say anything about my needs or feelings because then it was “bitching”. So, I stayed lonely. If I wasn’t such a ***** then he wouldn’t be that way. It was all my fault. Had a few children. Worked my fingers to the bone taking care of everything and I couldn’t even get something to look forward to …like a night out without the kids once a month or two….
We began fighting. I started to get angry and bitter. I thought if I could just make him remember how great it was at first, he would be like…”Wow, I’m a knucklehead”. Didn’t work. I was still alone. These letters were dated in 2006. YEAH. I have been sitting around waiting on my miracle for 9ish years. As I look back on these letters, I feel like the stupidest person in the world, Half my life with someone and the better years of my life are gone…..and for what? A Passive aggressive narcissist who had intended to waste my entire life. Now, the traits are being seen in my boys. They treat people unkindly and are always angry.
I beg you ladies, if your man isn’t Godly and wont see and pray over this and you are seeing these signs earlier than I was please get into some counseling or run for the hills.
I hate to condone divorce or separation as a believer in Jesus, but I believe this is a big seductive play of the enemy to keep you down from your calling. It could be the deceiver. Please cover yourself in prayer and ask God what He would have you do. God Bless You.
He had his best smile on. You know the one. The one that charmed you into marrying him. Except no one got to see it anymore except other people. Now the true nature of the beast was exposed and it was all a big power-play. Who could “WIN”. Compromise? Doesn’t that just mean They lose? That’s not win-win……that’s win….lose. Cause it’s their way or the highway. Shut down completely. Leaves the house if they have to…as long as the conflict doesn’t get resolved and it erodes your marriage and family for 20 years.
This is the basis of this learned coping behavior. Somewhere along the lines, they learned that coping with a problem best was to AVOID it at all costs…..usually as a response to childhood abuse…even if it means losing your family. Is it Biblical? I think it goes against everything the Bible says about being a husband, father, (or mother) and leader…..not to mention a follower of Jesus. Can they overcome? Absolutely….with God’s help and enough prayer and determination. They probably won’t wake up one day delivered from PAD. Might have to get some determination not to be lazy first.
Here’s the question burning in all you married ladies (or men’s) minds. Is it sinful to separate if I have had enough? Is it pleasing to God if I finally pull the plug, set some boundaries and head for the hills? I mean suffering brings us closer to God doesn’t it? I struggled with this for a while and finally realized that God calls me to protect my children from abusers, not expose them to them. If it were only me, I could do all I could, stay, suffer, be obedient as unto Christ….but I certainly don’t want to be a stumbling block to my children. No millstones for me, thankyou.
I see signs already in my children and often wonder if it is too late. I don’t think it is ever too late for Jesus is it? Praise God we serve the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords. And praise Him that He wants us to PARTICIPATE in our healing in relationship with HIM!
As I was going through some old memoirs, I came across an old poem I had written back in 1988. That would have made me 15 years old. I wish I could find them all. It’s weird to see the difference in thinking I have now. Kinda sounds like I was writing about Jesus before I even knew Him.
Dream to be Free
I want to reach out and grasp the black flame
A flame re-ignited
That’s burning down hopes, burning down dreams
I want to smother it with compassion
To set myself free
As darker grows the dusk
And the punks on the street
I want to rid the world of evil
As demons howl through reflective insights
The cause of war, the cause of fights
When the crayon bursts with indignation
As the children cry for innovation
I want to re-kindle the true flame
A fire of red passion unforeseen
A roaring blaze of new desires
And with this I will be free.
I Reblog my own blog with the confession that my marriage has failed. It was because of these signs that I wrote about 2 years ago. Please, I beg you, if you are a truly Godly man, drop the pride and cherish her heart. Every word of this is true. We are all broken, but if we don’t submit our brokenness to Christ to heal, we will stay stuck. I’m not willing to stay stuck. Grow together with your wife. Make her feel safe and that she can trust you and let the past heal and vice versa, before it’s too late.
Are you a man who only believes something if it comes from someone other than your wife? If you are like some husbands, you don’t want to hear anything your wife says about your marriage. You’ve heard it a million times, right? She says the same thing repeatedly. Let’s see if I can guess.
“You don’t LISTEN to me.”
“You don’t CARE about me.”
“You never TAKE ME ANYWHERE.”
“You are not INVOLVED with the children, you let them WALK ALL OVER ME.”
It’s always you, you, you…right? I bet you feel like nothing you do will ever be right. You have tried EVERYTHING! Many men have felt just like this, some for a very long time. I am addressing the man in this post because there is a reason that you are the head over your wife and children, you are the leader. What follows will help your…
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